I have an abusive mother…

I have an abusive mother and I’m trying to move out and get my own apartment, however, she provides me with money and materialistic items. She is a huge part of my life and there are definitely times where she’s fun and she treats me, okay, but it’s usually when it’s all about her. I feel that I have to disassociate myself from her in order to keep my sanity. But I’m not sure which path to take.

I have been exactly where you are. I was wholly dependent upon both of my abusive parents before I took the plunge and cut them off. Of course, I’m not saying that you should cut your mom off, but you do need to implement boundaries. No matter if your mom is physically, mentally, verbally or emotionally abusive, it’s not good for your health!

Most abusers have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. They can be pretty mean, controlling, manipulative and demanding. On the other hand, they can be as sweet as pie and provide you with anything your heart desires. Abusers will do that because it’s a way for them to have control over their victim. Whenever abusers are being abusive, victims will think back to those fun times of money, and gifts and say that the abuser loves them. That they, the victim, must have done something to provoke the abusers. Or that the way the abuser is acting is just a phase. Abusers use money and materialistic items to control and manipulate others. Abusers feel empowered when others depend upon them. You/Your taking money and items from your mom is sending a message to your mom. A message that is reinforcing her abusive behavior towards you.

I have a question for you. Would you allow your boyfriend or husband to abuse you in the manner your mother abuses you? The answer to that question will help you with the answer to this next question. Do you think being independent and away from your mom will enhance your happiness? Once you have the answer to those questions, you will know what next steps to take. Remember, you know what’s best for you. But also, you show people how to treat you. Show them how to treat you well! And if they can’t, always choose yourself over them.