I’ve been in a relationship for almost 9 months and my girlfriend is a little tough with me…

Hey. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 9 months and my girlfriend is a little tough with me. She wants me to be the better version of me, like more responsible and mature and I don’t know how to handle her expectations. It hurts sometimes to think of all the upgrades I’ll have to do. What do you think? Can you give me some advice?

It’s a little disconcerting that your girlfriend doesn’t accept you the way you are. In relationships, it’s not about getting the other person to change but having both parties grow together and evolve together. But it seems that your girlfriend just wants you to change, instead of the two of you evolving together, and I have to be honest, that’s really hard for me to wrap my head around, and it seems like it’s hard for you to digest also.

Your girlfriend obviously liked you and found your personality and your actions attractive, but I’m wondering why she wants you to change them now. And why do you feel that you need to make upgrades? Why do you believe that you should have to change yourself to receive the love that should be freely given?

And I believe that a person should only change if they see a reason to. Usually, when we change for other people, in the long run, we realize that the change didn’t nourish us or feed our soul, that we aren’t happy and that we were just going along to get along. Ultimately it is your choice, but I believe that if you did try to change, you would not be happy with yourself, your girlfriend or your relationship.

I know you may love your girlfriend and the relationship, but why does loving someone else means we stop loving and taking care of ourselves. And it’s okay for your girlfriend to want you to mature, but she should understand that people grow at different paces, and maybe, you’re still on your journey to maturing. As I’ve said earlier, just make the choice that you can live with and that will make you happy in the long run. And of course, we want others to love and accept us, but sometimes loving yourself and accepting yourself means saying no to the demands others place upon you.