My love language is touch…

My love language is touch, yet when a few very specific people (just friends/peers, no past of abuse from them) touch or hug me, I feel so uncomfortable that I just want to scream and run far away. I have tried to tell them that I don’t like it when they touch me, but they always say something like, “then why is it okay for (him/her/them) to touch you in the same way?” and I simply have no valid answer. What’s up with this? Why am I so afraid and disgusted by some people’s touch but not others?

It’s okay to like and accept the touch of others but refuse the touch of certain people. It’s your body, and you decide who gets to touch you or not touch you. You say there is no history of abuse with the people that disgust you whenever they touch or hug you. But is there a history of abuse in your past by someone else?

Have you thought that maybe the people that disgust you whenever you hug them, have certain characteristics of your abusers or abuser? Or maybe they remind you of your abuser in some way? You’re having this reaction to those people for a reason and it’s best to figure out why. Maybe sit down with yourself in silence and think of the characteristics of the people you tend to shy away from and see if their personality, looks, or mannerisms are similar to your abuser/abusers.

I know from personal experience how it feels to cringe when someone touches you. You blame yourself because the person in question did nothing wrong and then that starts a pattern of self-loathing. Just know that your reactions are there for a reason and that it most likely has to do with something from your past. It’s just your brain’s way of trying to protect you from what happened in your past. And don’t worry, once you figure out the why of it, you can reprogram your brain to not shy away from the touch of others.