I know that I will never be ‘the one’ for him, no matter how hard I try, but I still try…

I began dating this guy a year ago. Our relationship was long distance but we hailed from the same hometown. For about 3 months the relationship was great but then he began to fall for some girl at his college. He made me feel so miserable for the last 4 months of our relationship and I was so broken when we broke up. After about 4 months of him dating this new girl, she broke up with him.

Now, it’s been around 6 months, we are friends, and sometimes with benefits. Sometimes when I’m with him I feel special, but other times I feel completely ignored. I know that I will never be‘the one’ for him, no matter how hard I try, but I still try. He doesn’t know how I truly feel and I pretend that everything is good with us and our arrangement. But, I can’t stop myself from feeling the way that I do. I can’t get him out of my head and I am always ready, waiting, and willing to drop what I’m doing and spend time with him. I need to get over him, pronto.

Honestly, from everything you’ve written, it seems as if you’re all about him, he’s all about him, but whose for you? You keep putting his feelings and needs above your own and I’m not sure why you think that’s okay. You believe that if you give him everything and just acquiescence to all that he wants, that he’ll want you back. But, you have to understand; he’s using you and you’re allowing yourself to be used. You continue to hurt yourself by having any communication, as well as sexual relations, with this man, but it’s as if you believe this arrangement is love and as if this is all you’re worthy of.

He doesn’t look to you as someone who he wants to have a committed, long-term relationship with. He even chose another woman over you, and you allowed yourself to be used by him because you don’t know your worth. You’re looking for someone to love you when you should be loving yourself! And why do you need him or anyone else to make you feel special? You are special all on your own, and you don’t need anyone’s validation. And I’m very happy that you are reaching out for assistance in getting over this guy, but I believe your main focus should be on building your self-esteem.

First thing, cut off all communications with him, social media, cellphone and change your number. Second, focus only on you, your self-worth and how you view yourself. You allowed yourself to be used, so you have to get to the source of why your self-esteem is so low. Why did you think that relationship and arrangement was all you were worthy of? And honestly, you should take a break from dating for a while and just focus on dating yourself, liking yourself and loving all of yourself unconditionally. Don’t ever look for someone to give you the love that is meant for you to give to yourself. Only you can love you the way you truly wish to be loved. Don’t forget that!

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