I thought I had gotten over the suffering…

My boyfriend and I broke up in November. We haven’t spoken in person since because he doesn’t want to. From the whole relationship I was left depressed and traumatized. I thought I had gotten over the suffering until I saw him kissing another one of my co-workers two nights ago and they left the bar together. Now I can start to feel my suffering coming back. 

You can’t put your all into someone else until you have put your all into yourself. That is the problem! You gave your all to him, but you hadn’t even begun to give it to yourself! You loved him, and the relationship more than you loved yourself. And you can’t do that! You were giving your all to this guy, hoping he would give you validation that you were a worthy being, worthy of being loved. And you have to validate yourself! And I’m sorry you guys broke up, really, I am! But and I get the relationship meant a lot to you, but it seems like it never really did to him. He deliberately went after your coworker, someone you have to deal with daily, that is not someone who cares about your feelings, even if you guys are broken up.

And you can’t let what he does affect you anymore! I know you love him but when do you start loving yourself? And I know that severing ties with someone you once loved is hard, but why were you left traumatized? Did something go on in the relationship that rocked your foundation? If the relationship was a toxic, traumatic relationship, there was no love to begin with. And I believe you were traumatized and depressed about the break up because you lost that person that was feeding your ego, the person who pretended to validate you, love you unconditionally and accept you as you are.

From my vantage point it seems this relationship was never a healthy one. It seemed that there was an imbalance of power and that you handed your power over to him willingly, power which he gladly accepted. And by power, I mean instead of loving yourself, you gave him the reins to fill up all of your love tank, when the only person that could and can truly fill your love tank is you! As I’ve stated, you were looking for someone to validate your existence, and instead of finding that person, you were primed to accept someone like your ex-boyfriend, a person that puts their needs above yours, uses you and discards you. You settled, instead of being secure in yourself to wait until the right person, a person that would treat you with respect and care about your feelings would come along, even after breaking up, but instead you chose to go with the first guy who was nice. And I may be wrong, but I don’t think so.

Once again, I’m sorry that you feel depressed and that you are suffering, but I guarantee you that the pain will go away. I believe this is a good time to focus on yourself and see how you were giving your power away. Try working on yourself, loving yourself and you filling up all of your love tank, instead of waiting for someone else to. Focus on being secure being alone and being happy being alone! And forget this guy, he’s showing you how he really feels about you, and obviously he doesn’t feel very much for you at all. And remember, all because you are alone doesn’t mean your lonely. You always have your most supportive and loving person walking with you, you!