Anonymous: I don’t want to be a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter, but parenthood isn’t what I thought it would be. And looking back over all that I have been through, from the pregnancy to now, I wouldn’t do it all over again. Do you think I’m a bad mom?
It’s not about whether or not I think you’re a bad mom, it’s more important for you to decide if you think your actions depict the actions of a bad mother. Or whether or not your daughter, whenever she grows up and looks back on her childhood, believes your actions depicted those of a bad parent.
And although I’m not a parent, I like to believe that parenthood and motherhood are gifts, Divine gifts. Being chosen by your little one to walk with them through their personal journey through life is amazing, exhilarating and such a great honor. But I do understand that not everyone has that point of view when it comes to being a parent or of parenthood.
I have a question for you. How did you expect parenthood and motherhood to be? When it comes to being a parent, you are nurturing and nourishing this little being, as well as your relationship with them and the relationship they will have with themselves.
You have this other person with their own personality, thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires and as their parent, it is your duty to fulfill those needs but also guide them on the path to being themselves, loving themselves, acknowledging and living their truth, and fulfilling their own needs. So, of course, it’s not an easy road to travel, the road of parenthood.
With all that being said, I have more questions for you. Where do you think you’ve gone wrong in parenting? Are you unhappy because you dislike wearing the parenting hat and being in the mommy roll? Before becoming a mom, how exactly did you envision your life? In your heart of hearts, did you truly want kids?
You may not like being a mom or parenting for that matter, but you have to give that amazing, little being your all, if you’re up to it. And I say, ‘if you’re up to it” because being the child of a parent who can’t give you their all or what you need because they can’t even give it to themselves is very harrowing. So, you definitely need to sit down and figure out why you feel the way that you do.
Do you think you could be suffering from postpartum depression? Maybe that’s why you feel the way that you do. Have you thought about speaking with your partner, your mom or your doctor and voicing your concerns? Or do you believe that suffering from postpartum depression is not the case and that you just dislike being a mom? I don’t really have all that much information to go off of, but I do believe you should explore that avenue, seeking help I mean and reaching out to loved ones and voicing your feelings and concerns.
Are you afraid that you aren’t fulfilling your daughter’s needs? Since becoming a mother, do you feel that your own needs aren’t being met because you’re dedicating all of your time to your daughter and her needs? I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from and why you dislike being a mom.
I think you need to sit with your thoughts and feelings and figure out why you feel the way that you do. Then, I believe you can go from there and figure out what you want and what next steps you desire to take. And stop judging yourself and being so hard on yourself. The world is hard enough on us as it is, we shouldn’t add to the criticisms.
And I believe you can change the way you view motherhood, yourself and your relationship with your daughter. I believe doing this would help nourish all parties involved. But I also don’t want to talk you into parenthood. If something is meant for you, I don’t think you need to be talked into it. With that being said, think long and hard about what actions you wish to take next and how you wish to view and conduct yourself these next couple of years as a mom.
And ultimately, make a choice that works for you as well as for your daughter. And once again, it’s not about whether or not I think you’re a bad mom, it’s about you being proud of your actions as a mom as well as your daughter being able to look back and knowing that she was loved, well cared for and given everything she needed to grow and flourish. Now, I wish you the best upon your journey and say hi to the little one for me!