Anonymous: I always attract shitty, abusive friends. And I always get fed up with how they treat me, so I cut off communication with them and always begin looking for friendly, loving friendships. But whenever I do this, my standards get low and I settle again for the abusive friendships. I’ve tried walking alone, without anyone, but I get so depressed without friends. What do I do?

Love yourself. It’s as simple as that. When you truly love yourself, you acknowledge that your time, energy and effort is valuable. And that not everyone is worthy of your company or the amazing light that you have within that shines brightly out into the world.

You’ve said it yourself; your standards get low whenever you’re lonely. But I have a question for you, why are you lonely? You always have your best friend with you, or at least you should. And if you aren’t recognizing that I’m talking about you, well I am. You are your best friend, your biggest supporter, your ride or die. You may have others in life who will treat you with the respect and reverence that you deserve, but no one can love you the way you love yourself or treat you as well as you can treat yourself.

Stop saying you’re lonely and stop settling for anyone. You are worthy of more than that, but it starts with you recognizing it. It’s okay to walk through life by yourself, but it’s all about doing it while coming from a place of unconditional self-love. And are we truly ever walking alone? As I’ve said, you’ve always got yourself, but you also have Spirit.

You have an amazing spiritual guide walking with you, guiding you, loving you and assisting you through your journey on Earth. But you also have the Creator. The Creator loves you, accepts you as you are, and is always walking with you. No matter what you do, say or think about yourself or others, God loves you and always will. So no, you are never truly walking alone. 

And you are attracting abusive relationships because deep down inside you believe you aren’t worthy of healthy relationships but also because those friends and their abuse are mirroring back to you how you treat yourself. Whether your thoughts about yourself are very critical and bordering on abusive or whether your actions towards yourself are very critical and bordering on abusive, you are choosing to surround yourself with others who are mirroring your feelings and actions back to you. 

And when it comes down to it, you have to be more discerning about who you let into your life and into your space. Not everyone is for you or will be for you. But it shouldn’t matter as long as you are there for yourself. And at this moment in time, choose to step back and just focus on building up your self-confidence and your self-worth. Step back from looking for love from others, choose to acknowledge your worth and just focus on establishing your self-worth through your own eyes.

Now, what has helped me on my journey to loving myself was healing from all of my past experiences and my past relationships. Whether those relationships were with significant others, grandparents, siblings or parents, I had to heal! And the healing kickstarted my journey of self-love and self-acceptance. 

What has helped me and what still helps me is listening to Louise Hay on YouTube. There is one recording that I think will do you some good. It’s called Self-Esteem and Forgiveness. As I’ve said, Louise Hay and her teachings have and still are helping me love myself. And I believe her teachings can help you begin your journey of self-love. 

And the journey to realizing your worth and being confident is an ever-evolving one and it will continue for the rest of your life. So, be prepared to put in time, energy and effort and you will have great results. 

And please stop defining yourself by how others view you or what others think of you. For some reason, you believe that you are the problem whenever your friends are abusive, and you are, but not in the way you are thinking.

Yes, you do have to own and know your worth but if someone wants to abuse someone else, there’s a reason. That abusive person feels a need to control, dominate and belittle someone else because they feel belittled and dominated in their own lives. So, don’t beat yourself up, but choose, right now, to make changes and to love yourself.

And you could start by cutting off all contact with ANYONE who has abused you in your life and going within, sitting with your feelings, and acknowledging how you feel about the situation. And some questions that could help you figure out how you feel are: How do you feel now that those abusive persons are gone? How do you feel now that it’s just you? Whether it’s good feelings, bad, or a little bit of both, acknowledge them all. 

Never tamp down your feelings, but always view them from a detached, neutral place of love. And choose to begin taking the next steps to loving yourself and recognizing your worth. And there is nothing wrong with getting professional help. Someone who can show you the tools one needs to love themselves as well as the tools to spot abusive persons. So, if you can, reach out for professional help!

And good luck on your journey. Trust and know that I am rooting for you. And that I support you, that I have your back and that I am walking with you as you take these giant leaps forward to loving yourself. And reach back out if you need someone to talk to or commiserate with. I wish you the best! 

“I always attract shitty, abusive friends…”