Anonymous: I just found out that my partner of 4 years is bisexual. But that’s not all, he’s been cheating on me for I don’t know how long, and he recently contracted an STD. We’ve recently been discussing marriage and taking our relationship forward and I don’t know how to respond in this situation nor how I feel. What should I do?

This is a doozy! And I say that with the utmost respect for all parties involved. Your significant other cheated, and most likely has been cheating on you for a while, with the same sex. This is an extremely big revelation and a situation with so many moving parts that it’s okay to be confused and to not know how you truly feel. 

But I have a couple of questions for you. What do you want? Can you accept that your partner is bisexual? Can you accept that your partner doesn’t feel fulfilled in your current relationship? Can you see the rest of your life with your partner now that you’ve learned of this revelation?

What does your partner want? I know you two were getting serious and have been discussing marriage. Does he still want to get married? Do you still want to get married? How would marriage look to you now that he has come out as bisexual? How would a marriage between the two of you look to him?

Would you be okay with sharing him with other people? What if your partner wants to bring a third person into the relationship? Are you truly able to forgive your partner for what he’s done? Can you accept your partner for who is? I’m not trying to scare you with these questions but I am hoping that the answers to this interrogation, as well as the rumination of these questions, will help you decide what next steps are best for you as well as help you determine how you feel. 

It is okay to say that you can’t handle your significant other being bisexual or that you can’t forget the infidelity. But forgiveness is something that you can work towards. And the forgiveness would not be about him, it would be about you and releasing the anger, pain, and resentment that you feel surrounding this entire situation.

Now, with all that being said, I do have some food for thought for you. Do you think that if someone truly loves you, they would cheat on you? Do you think if someone truly loved themselves, they would keep a huge part of their life a secret? Going further, if your partner truly trusted you or believed you both had an unconditional love, a very accepting love, do you think he would have kept his bisexuality a secret? 

Do you think you and your partner have a forever kind of love? One last question, did your partner come clean to you about his bisexuality because he wanted to make the relationship you all have work and be his authentic self or was it because of the STD that he might have affected you with?

Just somethings you can ponder over as you figure out your next steps, whatever those next steps may be. And I hope I’ve helped you make some headway when it comes to your decision on how to handle this situation with your partner. 

I’m truly sorry that you were blindsided and that your relationship’s foundation has been rocked. I like to believe that something good, something positive, will come out of this experience for both of you. And that good may not come at the onset, it may come years down the road, but I like to believe that there’s good in every situation. So, try to be positive, listen to your heart and trust your instincts. And good luck with your next steps!

“My partner of 4 years is bisexual and has been cheating on me…”