“Everything is falling apart and I feel so lost…”

Anonymous: I feel that I don’t matter and that nothing I do is good enough. I am currently attending university, working, and interning and it’s a lot. I am always tired, and I always feel terrible. I work so much every day and if I’m not working, I’m having negative thoughts. A lot of negative thoughts. On top of all that, I feel guilty for not going to the gym and making my physical health a priority.

Everything is falling apart, and I feel so lost. I have no motivation and everything I was passionate about, I’m not anymore. I feel that I’m not good enough for my career and that I shouldn’t be allowed to practice it. I feel as if I’m losing my friends and that it’s all my fault. I truly feel that I have and still am letting everyone down and I don’t know what to do about it.

You matter. Everything you do, say and think matters. You are worthy of all the space that you take up. Always know that. And we live in a world that is so outcome obsessed to where we really don’t focus on the journey. When we go on journeys, they teach us a lot about what we like, dislike, our strengths and our talents and even lessons that we have to learn. From this journey that you are currently on, it’s taught you and is teaching you that your mental and emotional health hasn’t been and isn’t a priority for you. 

And that you, like many others, have this constant need to always be doing something and accomplishing something. Which usually sheds light on a bigger problem. A problem in which someone derives their self-worth from accomplishments and the validation they receive from others. And it’s a mentality that has fatal repercussions in the long run. Repercussions such as depression, anxiety, and a lack of joy and happiness for life because you always feel a need to accomplish more, to be more, to have one more title. And to always be acceptable in the eyes of others. And we, and I include myself in this, have been conditioned to believe that we’re lazy if we aren’t doing something productive every hour of every day. But that’s wrong. 

It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to step back and say I can’t do all of this. It’s okay to recognize and acknowledge that others may be able to attend school, work an internship on top of a job, maintain a 3.5+ GPA, eat healthy, workout, spend time with their family and friends and be happy all the time but you can’t. And you not being able to carry all of that on your shoulders does not and will not reflect badly onto you. So please don’t beat yourself up!

And although it may seem as if everything is falling apart, it isn’t! It just means that you are going through changes and that’s a good thing. Change is always good, even though it may not look it from the onset, it is. And from my experience, it’s always best to change instead of remain stagnant.

And this time in your life could be a godsend for you. Maybe this time and this experience is here for you to reassess your priorities, help you figure out who you are and what you want out of life and for yourself. And maybe these upheavals are coming into your life to bring you anew and help you begin again. And sometimes things have to fall apart in order for us to get to where we really want to be in life. So, what you are feeling and experiencing is most likely a blessing in disguise. 

And at this junction, maybe you should put more time and energy into your mental and emotional health instead of your physical health. Physical health is always important, but right now, what’s most important is you being happy and healthy mentally and emotionally. And just focusing on your mental and emotional health instead of all 3 will take something off your plate.

Which takes me to my next segue. You have to take something off your plate. You can’t continue on because I know that you are running yourself ragged. You may have to give something up, sacrifice something for your happiness and health. Maybe you could consider cutting out your internship. I know, I know, internships are important but so is your mental health. And if you can’t cut out your internship consider reducing the number of hours you work a week. 

And don’t compare you having an internship or not being able to handle an internship along with your job to others. We are all running different hurdles and have different experiences. And I guarantee you, you are not lesser than for having to leave your internship or to cut down the hours in your internship. Maybe you could speak with the internship coordinator, explain the situation and see if you can turn this non-paid internship into a paid internship. If so, you would be able to reduce the number of hours you work at your job. Look into it. The worst thing they can say is no. Or even consider reaching out to the internship coordinator and seeing if you could get time off, take a break, and intern at the company later, in a different semester. 

And your lack of motivation could be a sign of you falling into a depression and that could explain your lack of passion. I touched on it briefly that depression is a repercussion of always having to continue the charade of seeking validation from others. You are continuously pushing yourself to accomplish and experience situations that may not be authentically you. And your depression could be a symptom of you not honoring your truths and who you truly are. 

And you have to believe in yourself! You will not accomplish your dreams or your career goals if you continue to dump on yourself and feel as if you don’t measure up. You do! It’s all in your mind that you’re not good enough. Good enough for what? For who? You are more than enough and you are a very accomplished being. I believe in you, but it’s most important for you to believe in yourself. 

And maybe these aren’t your forever friends, your forever people. In life, you will lose others and leave others. It’s a part of life. But you will always have yourself. And if these relationships are really important to you, reach out to them and explain the situation. Explain how you feel and what you are going through and I guarantee you, if they are true friends they will rally around you and help you in your time of need. 

Don’t feel as if you have to carry everything alone. You have people rooting for you and standing with you as you walk through life. You have me here at DearSpence and you have the Creator who is always loving you and walking with you. And you always have your loved ones in the Spiritual Realm cheering you on. You also have the amazing psychiatrists at your university’s health center. They would love to have the opportunity to walk with you and help you through your journey. So, don’t ever feel alone.

And if you didn’t get that I was marketing your university’s health center, I was. It would be a good idea for you to reach out for help. They could teach you the tools you need to go through life, calmly and in a grounded state of peace. But will also help you overcome the depression and its effects. And again, they want to help. They are there to help, so don’t be nervous or afraid about reaching out. 

And you are not letting anyone down. Life is all about changes. If something doesn’t work we change it. And it’s a blessing to have the ability to make those changes. And you aren’t living your life for anyone but yourself. Who cares what others think. You can’t spend your life seeking validation from anyone. Not your boss, not your parents and not your friends. Your happiness and health are most important. Always. Never forget that.

Now, take a deep breath. Sit with all that I have said and just choose to be. Choose to take a moment to set aside your phone, your schedule, your schoolwork, and just focus on you. Focus on acknowledging your beating heart, the slow inhalation, and exhalation that powers your body. Meditate. Sit and go within and just take a break from the world. You deserve your ME time! Don’t let anyone tell you differently.