My mom tried to kill herself. I was thirteen at the time and she overdosed on an entire bottle of prescription pills. Her whole life, she suffered from a lack of unconditional love. And she never recognized that the most joyous love could and would only come from within.
She derived her worth from others and she believed her worth as a spiritual being was tied up in material attainment and whether or not a man deemed her worthy enough to marry. She never truly figured out who she was or what she wanted.
She believed that the life she was given was all there was. She believed the opinions spoken upon her life by others were facts and she gave her power away and never got it back.
I come from a long line of women who sing this same song. They sought love outside of themselves, were disappointed when they didn’t find it, decided to settle for what was offered, and gave their power away. They chose not to utilize the Divinely given tools that were located within and they chose to believe that the truest love came from man.
You who seek God apart, apart,
That which you seek thou art; thou art
If you want to seek the beloved’s face
Polish the mirror and gaze into that space
—Rumi
But that is of course false. God is love and love is God. We were created from God, created in Divine’s likeness and even carry a piece of the Divine Master within us. So why seek a Divinely, unconditional love from others when we already have it within?
We are love. We are God. God is I. God is Me. God is You and You and You. We are all Divine heavenly beings that are perfect and worthy just as we are. We are love, we are loved, and we are Divine loving beings.
In moments of darkness, turn within and ignite the Divine love that resides within, instead of waiting for someone else to love us enough to ignite an ember within us. Why settle for an ember when we can have the whole fire?
Choose to own your power instead of giving it away or settling for not enough. Trust in yourself and in the Divine to help you with your life’s journey and life’s adventures. Love yourself; truly, Divinely, and unconditionally!
Now, to close this beautiful rendition of DearSpence today, I leave you all with an amazing poem by the 13th-century poet, scholar, and philosopher Rumi that I believe encompasses the true life lesson of my mother’s suicide attempt and a lesson I believe we can all gain clarity from.
I always thought you would come to me
In the shape of a beautiful lover
I never dreamed you would still my heart
With no shape at all
I always pretended I needed arms to hold me
And lips to kiss away my pain
Yet I find fulfillment
In the embrace of empty space
I always wished you would speak to me
With words of tender sweetness
But I know you whisper silently
Of your unending love
I always knew I would find you
Although I foolishly looked with my eyes
You were here with me all along
Hiding, just outside and out of sight of my heart
—–Rumi
DearSpence 