How do you do it? How do you leave everyone and everything behind to start a better life? I know that with everything going on right now in the world, this question may be a little outside of the realm of what’s most important, but it’s important to me. Sheltering-in has allowed me to truly make sense of my feelings and how I feel about myself and my family. And I know that if I am ever going to love myself, increase my self-esteem and have a good mental health, I have to leave and live a more authentic life. A life filled with authenticity, unconditional love and self-respect.
Now, I know you’ve mentioned before on the site that you’ve gone no contact with your family and forgive me if I’m wrong, but do you solely provide for yourself? Is there anyone you have to lean on financially, physically, mentally and emotionally? I’m asking these questions because I am considering embarking upon the same path. And it’s scary but the only other alternative is staying with my abusive family and me sitting quietly by as they kill my spirit. So, do you have any tips for me once I begin embarking upon this new chapter alone?
Well, it won’t be easy, but if you really want something, you’ll make it happen. And that rings especially true when you decide to release the old, learn to love all of yourself and create a more authentic life.
And I have to say, I am so very happy and proud of you for considering taking the next steps, for your choosing to acknowledge your problems and create a solution, for you being your authentic self and loving yourself, and for you creating the life of your dreams surrounded by unconditional love even if it is only you and the Divine providing that love.
And yes, I solely provide for myself and have been doing it for the past 4 years. Of course, throughout that time there have been a few hiccups but staying positive, going within a lot and connecting with God and experiencing many a miracle, have allowed me to get to a place in my life to where I am the most authentic I have ever been. And I am doing it surrounded by the unconditional love I provide for myself as well as the unconditional love I receive from Divine and Spirit.
But I will be honest with you. It’s really, really hard in the beginning. Only having yourself to depend on financially is indescribable. Most people, even if their parents aren’t financially healthy or well-off, if a bill arose and there was no way for them to pay it, their parents, which are two extra minds and two extra sets of eyes, could help take a look at the problem and help their child come up with the cash or a solution. And that is something I just didn’t have. So that aspect of solely providing for myself was hard but also very scary.
But all my financial difficulties have led me to my faith which has helped me become more steadfast and determined to accomplish my goals as well as helped me attract more abundance and a healthier financial foundation into my life. But also, it has made me more resourceful and creative and able to pivot at a moment’s notice really well!
Now, I don’t want to scare you, but cutting off contact with your family and starting a new life is like being thrown into the ocean, while not knowing how to swim, and having to fight to stay alive. And that’s the best analogy because when I left my parental home, I had no clue about anything. I grew up so very sheltered and cult-like, that being out on my own was such a culture shock.
But, it’s the being in the deep-end, and overcoming your fears and anxieties and making it to the shore that really feels amazing and makes you acknowledge and know that you can accomplish anything and everything. Once you accomplish a big feat such as that, you truly can accomplish anything!
Now, one takeaway from my experiences that I think is really important is to have a financial foundation or a nest egg, if you can, before you leave your parental home and cut off contact. I didn’t have one!
When I left I was 20 years old and I had about a month’s worth of bill money, no jobs, no car, and no driver’s license, so I did have a little bit of a climb, maybe some would even call it a trek, so I would tell you that it is best to prepare, financially, if you can, before leaving and cutting off all contact.
And you will have to put in a lot more time, energy, and effort into your life goals in comparison to your counterparts and most people your age just because you are all you have and there is no one on the sidelines cheering you on or physically walking with you, but in my opinion, it’s worth it. Truly loving yourself and being your authentic self is indescribable and being so self-sufficient and self-reliant really is a gift and it builds so much character.
I would not be the amazingly beautiful spiritual being that I am without my experiences and the hardships that came along with leaving my parental house so early and cutting off all contact. But this life and this decision may not be for everyone. It takes a lot of strength and mental fortitude to embark upon this path.
Now when it comes to the mental and emotional aspect of this sort of journey, my experiences have allowed me to grow, evolve and learn a lot of wisdom that most people my age, and hell some people maybe three times my age, have not learned and may never learn. So, having, these past couple of years, been there for myself mentally and emotionally, was a gift.
The level of self-love and self-respect I have for myself because I’ve been there for myself and truly depended upon myself is a level of self-love and self-respect that I don’t see in a lot of people. So, cutting ties with my parents physically, mentally and emotionally allowed me to become the amazing person that I always was but also a person who stands in her truth, knows her character and has character. Like my favorite quote says, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.”.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
— Helen Keller
Also, if you can, when sheltering-in ends and life gets back to normal, you should join some group counseling sessions. During the beginning stages of being out on my own, it truly helped me. Although my situation was very different from the situations of others that I encountered in counseling, everyone was very supportive of me and my choices. And they were there for me and I was able to share my experiences and feelings with them which really helped me process and heal from the abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.
And honestly, the really big advice I would give you and anyone embarking upon this journey is to take it one step at a time and to not compare your path, your experiences, your life and what you have to others because that is a recipe for disaster. There have been many a time where I did exactly that and it always ended up with me being angry or sad. So be positive, read self-help books and books on the law of attraction and try out positive affirmations and keep a clear mind.
Another tip that I would give anyone embarking upon this new expedition is that whenever you become sad or down regarding walking alone and without your parents, think about how much love you are giving to yourself by having walked away and stayed away and how you are trusting in yourself and God to create a better life for yourself. It helps you put things in perspective and makes you see the positive in your situation and your current experiences.
Oh, and work through your feelings and heal. Heal, heal, heal! Once you take full responsibility and ownership of your life by embarking upon this new path, carving out time to heal and go within may be few and far between, but it is very important that you continually put in the work because it does pay off.
That is the most important advice I could give because if you don’t heal, you will continually live in the past and experience the abuse and trauma that happened to you over and over again. And when you do that, you can’t create anew because your mind is stuck in the past and to create you have to be in the present.
So, I know this is a lot of information to take in, but I do want you to have all the facts before you make a decision. And if you do choose to leave and cut off contact with your parents just know that you will have your good days and bad.
It’s a part of life. Sometimes it may feel as if you’re on a winning streak and everything is great and other times it may seem as if life is pelting you with all it has, but it’s all about whether you choose to respond or react in the face of adversity.
As I tell myself, it’s so easy to turn to anger whenever we’re fearful or sad and a life truly worth living isn’t built from ease and comfort. It is the resourcefulness, creativity, ingenuity, dexterity and mental acumen that come from those trying times that allow us to grow, evolve and create the life of our dreams. So, remember as you embark upon your life’s journey, character isn’t built in ease and quiet!
Good luck with your decision and know that I am rooting for you and walking with you as you take your next steps on your journey through life.
DearSpence 