Anonymous: I’m pregnant with my ex’s baby, and he’s currently in medical school hours away from where I live. I’m having a tough time deciding between abortion and keeping the baby.
If I were to keep the baby, I believe that I would grow up too fast and miss out on important life years, but I’m almost 24 years old. And honestly, my ex is not interested in being present in the baby’s life, but I don’t know if I could go through with an abortion. I feel that a little piece of me would break if I gave the baby up for adoption.
Okay, the first thing that stuck out to me was that you said if you were to keep the baby, that you would grow up too fast. It’s great that you acknowledge that you’re not adult enough to raise a baby but being 23 years old or 24 years old does make you an adult. And it’s obvious that you’ve been making adult decisions but for some reason you don’t think of yourself as an adult? It seems you may be a tad immature for this situation you’re currently in. But once again, I’m glad you recognize that.
And I’m proud of you that you recognize that you do have options when it comes to dealing with this. And honestly, you just have to do what you think is best. If you were to nix the idea of an abortion, then do what you believe to be best for the BABY. At this point in time, do what you think is best but do also recognize that parenthood is tough, especially as a single parent and that most of your time, energy and effort in life will be going to your child.
And I’m not disparaging motherhood or parenthood, but it seems as if you have a lot of work to do on yourself and taking care of another little human being would allow you less time to devote to fixing your self-esteem and loving yourself. And I say that, because I do remember you reaching out before about your relationship with this guy and I told you to focus on yourself, loving yourself and acknowledging that you chose to give up your life and your experiences for him, his life and his happiness. And that no one made you make those choices.
Now, how are you going to teach this kid to love them self, respect them self and respect their own boundaries if you can’t even do it for yourself? Honestly, you don’t seem mentally, emotionally or financially stable enough to raise a baby. And I know that people do it every day, raise children with a foundation that is somewhat rocky, but why wouldn’t you want to give your baby everything that you could? Are you able to give the baby everything it will need? Don’t you want to do better for your baby?
Once again, I’m happy you recognize that you have choices, but this is a very tough decision to make. Just make this choice with more care than you’ve been using in your day to day life. And take this situation as a lesson, please! Although we may be adult in age, sometimes mentally and emotionally we are not as adult as we think. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out for you.
DearSpence 